Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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