I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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