Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
