dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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