Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
