I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
