hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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