your parents love me but you hate me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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