You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
