My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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