so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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