just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
