just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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