We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
