She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
