I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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