Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
