Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
