can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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