wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
