I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
