Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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