my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
