I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
