I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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