Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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