I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
