hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
