Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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