my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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