Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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