dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
