shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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