In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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