Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
