Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
