I don't usually arrange sex via text message
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
