Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
