apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
