The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
