and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
