the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
