HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
