Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
