oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
