i barfeds in our rink
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
