apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
