you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
