She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
