Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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