We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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