chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
