i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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