My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
