thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
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We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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