he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Mom said you looked used
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
