I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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