Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
