Plan B is the new Plan A
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
