the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
