the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
a search helicopter?!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
