What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
