Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
