Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
