She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
