we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
