She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize