that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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