I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
