I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
