yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
