i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
