He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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