I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
