didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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