she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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