I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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